April 29, 2011


This simple math equation has been sweeping the interbuttz as a boss level troll. I'm so sick of seeing this damn thing everywhere. It's on message boards and forums, and even made it's way to Facebook in the form of a poll. (with over a million people participating, mind you)

Now, it's making its' first and only visit to this blog.

Let's review, since too many of you we're sitting there with awkward boners in class when they were reviewing PEMDAS.

P = parentheses
E = exponent
M = multiplication
D = division
A = addition
S = subtraction

That's the order of operations. Now, if you remember correctly (which you don't), when you would see this equation, you would start by doing anything in parentheses first, followed by doing anything with an exponent. Here's the part that messes with people because they were too busy staring at the teacher's ass instead of FUCKING PAYING ATTENTION.

The stupidity... it hurts.

You can "group" multiplication and division together, as you can group addition and subtraction together. When multiple operations of these groups exist (i.e. you'll have to multiply/divide more than once), you go from left to right, NOT MULTIPLYING EVERYFUCKINGTHING FIRST, THEN DIVIDING EVERYFUCKINGTHING AFTER YOU MULTIFUCKINGPLY.


We did it! We're correct! Right?


You just did everything I told you not to do! People who fail to do this can graduate from school and do important jobs, like work in a fucking hospital. How are they going to be able to add doses of imadumbassexadrin and herpderpatonin when they can't even do PEMDAS correctly? Do people wonder why America is 17th in the world in education? It looks like I'm going to have to draw it out in crayon, like usual.


We did it! Right?


(or 9 for those who can't read. You can't do order of operations, so you might read that as a different number, like 14 or Q)

You did it, dumbass!

There. I correctly answered this question. The answer is 9. Not 1, 9. If anyone tells you otherwise, punch them in the mouth so that their teeth fly into the back of their mouth, then snap their kneecaps. Hopefully you were paying attention and not thinking about asking Jennifer Simmons to the prom. She's going with me, so piss off. She doesn't want to go to the prom with a dumbass like you anyway.

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April 27, 2011

Celebrity Culture

In the wake of the royal wedding everyone is shitting their pants about, I began thinking; why do we care about celebrity culture so much? Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for any couple getting married to their true love and all that. But why do WE as a society simply care about celebrities so much?

We, as Americans, care more about famous people than ourselves. This is evident by the massive support for crackheads. Don't we usually frown upon drug addicts and place them on the lowest of the social ladder? So why are all sucking Charlie Sheen's cock and getting all in Lindsey Lohan's grill? Do we honestly have nothing better to do?

Why do you like her? She's not even that attractive after her coke binge....

This is something I've never understood. Unless you are a person who is famous for doing something great, I never got why people would idolize the people we do. An exception might be someone who shapes a generation; Michael Jackson and other high profile musicians, for example, might be considered an exception to this. But we're in love with Ke$ha and Rihanna, who do nothing but make millions and millions of dollars singing about the stuff we were told to avoid growing up. Ke$ha can't even fucking sing. Have you listened to her without autotune? Now you have: (skip to :30 for the best part)


There's tons of shows that glorify celebrities over stupid shit. Congrats, Justin Guarini had a kid. You gotta be happy for anyone choosing to be a parent. But what makes it any different than any other person having a kid? Just because he was on a TV show? It's stupid to me. More people can recognize celebrities then they can political candidates. I read somewhere that only a small portion of the country could identify the current GOP Presidential Nominees. Does that seem right?

Where have our priorities gone? We, as a country, are sinking into the shitter. Why care about people we don't even know when we can't even take care of ourselves?

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April 26, 2011

Why I'm Over Chicago Traffic

I'm currently living in Chicago for an internship, and I must say; I don't think I've ever been so upset by the terrible drivers and poor roads there are here. I thought Ohio drivers we're the bottom of the barrel; I was wrong.

-Nobody in the city of Chicago knows what a turn signal is. Nobody.

-There's more potholes in the roads than there are people. Exaggerated much? I think not. Drive through downtown and see what I mean.

-Nobody knows how to operate a 4-way stop. It's like a madhouse anytime I approach one of these.

-The speed limit is only 45 or 55 MPH on the highways, and it sucks.

-I also hate tolls, mostly because I probably look like the biggest idiot trying to scrounge up $.15.

-There's more cops out on the roads late at night than I have ever seen. I can't drive home without seeing five of them trying to get your for speeding.

-On top of that, they never have their lights in. In Ohio, it must be a law or something for cops to always keep their headlights on when pulled off to the side because they're always on. I feel like this is a hazard to the cops. What if someone has a car emergency and needs to pull to the side of the road? O WAIT, there's a cop car there lol. I think this is just an accident/lawsuit waiting to happen.

-The teens here simply don't know how to drive. I almost got into an accident because some teenage idiot tried to merge into my lane but failed miserably. I almost got read-ended yesterday on the highway from some girl chatting to her other girlfriend about how hot Tony is and how much of a dick Carl is on the phone. She wasn't paying attention whatsoever, and it got to the point where I was going in my head the different ways I could react not if, but when I was going to get rear-ended by this idiot.

After living in Chicago, never again will I complain about the idiots in Ohio who freak out over two snowflakes on the road. I'd take the mass transit but 1) there isn't a stop anywhere near me, and 2) there's been two train accidents within the last week; one train derailed and another hit a guy. I can't have that kind of blood on my hands!

Sometimes it's hard being the best driver on the road....

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April 24, 2011

The Electro Wars

The Electro Wars is a newly released documentary about the evolution of electronic music, the culture that surrounds it, and what's in store with the future. This is a breaking-edge movie; the first of it's kind. Electronic music has taken over today; I consider it our generations' rock and roll or jazz. It's a huge influence in tons of different genres today. Think about it; Stargate (known for tons of Rihanna's hits) has invaded the Billboard charts, and are considered some of the top producers today. They specialize in electronic, though. You can't flip through a top 40 station today and not hear the influence.

If you are a fan of music in general, this is a must-see. Luckily, you can watch it for free this week at the URL at the bottom of this. My internet sucks where I'm at so I'm only 2 chapters through, but it's great so far. It gives a full-on approach to the electronic music industry, with interviews from the biggest names out there. (Steve Aoki and Skrillex, anyone?) Like I said, this is a MUST-SEE. Watch it here!


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April 23, 2011

Worst Shows I've Been To

So I was flipping through channels, hoping to find something on that didn't kill brain cells. I stumbled upon an appearance of Cee-Lo Green on "Last Call wish Carson Daly," and it looked like a clip of him performing "Fuck You" in a club or bar. Now, as a musician and audio engineer and blah blah blah, I have mad props for this guy. He brings a unique sound and has a unique (yet tasty) voice. But this performance was fucking awful. All the words were mumbled, there was no stage presence... I mean, just plain bad. And this got me thinking of all those terrible shows I've been to.


I saw AFI a few years back (maybe two?) after winning meet-and-greet passes as well. We went up to the band hangout spot at the Newport Music Hall in Columbus, Ohio with the others who won meet-and-greets. First off, this crazy bitch baked a cake for the band, which I thought was weird. But after being in the room with the band for a mere 30 seconds, I could tell these guys were just awkward.

The lead singer and drummer were very welcome to everyone and chatted everyone up and tried to keep convos going. (In the picture above, they're the two on the left if I remember correctly) The other two, though, acted like anti-social emo kids. Anytime any one of the excited 13-year-olds asked the bassist or guitarist anything, they responded with one-word answers and never made eye contact. I felt like HATED me. AAWWWKKKKWWWAAARRRDDDDD.

The show finally came up. I've never been more disappointed after a show. The set was all their newer "more emo" stuff. (Which I actually enjoy, but it's not the material you want for a bangin' rock concert) There was no crowd energy (partly due to the massive crowd of 12-year-old girls screaming for the lead singer), and few signs of emotion from the band. I think that's the only show or concert I've debated leaving early from.

Puddle Of Mudd

I saw Puddle Of Mudd last summer at Rock On The Range. Have you ever seen a band who thought they were the fucking shit, but really they weren't? Yeaaaahhhhhhh...... In a crowd of thousands of hardcore, gnarly people who had been kicking each others' asses all day (which my scrawny ass in the middle of it, of course), maybe 5 were moshing to this. They tried to soup up all their popular singles (Singing a song about how "she fucking hates me" [la la la laaaaa!] won't get the crowd going) but they failed at that. The singer attempted to sing, but he failed miserably at that as well. By far, they were the worst act I saw at that festival.

Wicked Wisdom

Wicked Wisdom was a relatively short-lived band I saw at Ozzfest around 2005 or so. The lead singer was actually Will Smith's wife. (The More You Know!) Now, I have never been a fan of women as lead vocalists for metal screaming bands, and this was only reinforced that opinion. Awful show. Just..... awful. The crowd was boo-ing halfway through the set, there was no energy, and it all just sounded like noise. No music, simply noise. There was a reason why these guys were short-lived....

Now, as a musician and all that shit I mentioned above, I respect anyone trying to go out there and make a few bucks playing music for a living. However, I'm only playing the role of "critique" in my experience of the many shows I've been to. Have any of you had any bad shows that sound like this?

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April 22, 2011


I want to thank everyone who critiqued on my last post, and to say "fuck off" to everyone posting pointless, generic comments. I re-mixed (as in the literal sense, not some hip-hop RRREEEEMMMIIIIIXXXXXX!!!) this and added a few things, and hopefully should be better than the previous version. If you've given it a listen, I ask you listen again and tell me what you think! If you haven't checked it out, then CHECK IT!

EDIT: Re-upped. I must've loaded up the first one instead of the second edition. Enjoy!

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April 21, 2011


I've released ANOTHER song! Check it out and let me know what you think. This one's a little more pop-y and club-like, but hopefully you all enjoy!

April 18, 2011


Today is the day; I'm officially releasing my first electronic dance music piece right here and now! This trance piece was inspired by a roommate of mine who listens to nothing but trance music, and the total amount of boredom I'm going through currently. Please, listen to it, tell your friends, pass it around, and feel free to share your opinions of this!

Also, I got rave reviews for my "King Kong taking a shit on a birthday cake" analogy. If anyone wants to create such an image, I will gladly post it as my next background and share the credit where it's due...

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April 16, 2011

I Simply Don't Care.

It has come to light about the layout of this fine, fine blog is "visually retarded" and "looks like King Kong taking a shit on birthday cake." When I created this blog, I started it with the mindset of not giving a single fuck. Think about it; why should I care about what I write? Why should you care what I write about? You should care because I tell you. Basically. So care.

I wanted to change things up often. I've had Mario riding a dinosaur, cool electronic patterns, and other stupid stuff as a background. Currently, there's ice cream trucks, to fit the summer them. Who doesn't like ice cream trucks? Yeah, it might clash. But that's because I simply don't give a fuck. (Do you see a theme here?) I'm not making a blog to fit in and make it like everyone elses. Where's the fun in that?

Have you ever had a friend show you a song and after listening to it, you reply, "Oh yeah, that sounds like (mainstream band here)." Where's the fun in ripping off another's ideas? By putting whatever I want on here, it's a way of expressing one's self. One day, MAYBE this blog will become huge and take over the world. I wouldn't want people to say, "Have you checked out that mega huge blog that's fucking everywhere now? (referring to my badass setup I got going on here) Reminds me a lot of (another mainstream noun)." I DON'T WANT TO FOLLOW IN THE TRACKS OF EVERYONE. And not everyone should. If we did, then we'd all be stuck in monotonous routine that gets old real fast.

So what am I saying in the end? I simply do not care. I don't care if you read this and scoff, or applaud me as a genius. I simply do not care. I'm not in charge of your life, as you're not in charge of mine. Everyone gets so caught up in doing what others want us to do, or to do what is seen as "more traditional." If we always did that, then there would never be anything new produced, and the world would be a very, very boring place.

This dude is sad because he never branched off and thought on his own.

Don't be afraid to take a chance. Get the balls to talk to that hot chick you've been eyeing. Go out and try some new food. Do that thing you've been wanting to do, but just haven't done yet for whatever reason. By not caring, you shun out all those others that may judge you or look down at you. And honestly, they're fucking worthless. They have nothing better to do but bring you down. 

Music is how it is today because people stopped giving a fuck about what others say and just tried something new. Eminem famously said in his song "Without Me" in 2006 that "no one listens to techno music." Now, don't me wrong, Eminem is the man. But people didn't listen to him, and now techno and electronic music is HUGE.

In conclusion, you just have to stop giving a fuck sometimes and do what you want, regardless of what others think. Do something different. Don't be afraid to put up tacky ice cream trucks as a background.... TO YOUR LIFE.

(that last sentence was deep, wasn't it?)

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April 15, 2011

15 Reasons Why Summer Is Awesome, And Winter Sucks

1) Because it is warmer, and who doesn't like warm weather?
2) You hate America is you hate warm weather.
3) See #2
4) NBA and NHL playoffs.
5) I dare you to point out another time where it's socially acceptable to chase down a truck driven by a creepy dude, all for the sake of ice cream.
6) Two words: short shorts.
7) Barbecues. And by barbecues, I mean retarded amounts of beer while eating delicious food outside.
8) Fireworks in the snow just isn't as cool.
9) You can't go boating on ice.
10) All the awkward, pale looking kids look much less pale, which is a good thing.
11) Bikinis.
12) You can finally put away those pants that DO make your ass look big.
13) See #11
14) By using your air conditioner instead of your heater, you use less gas, and mother nature loves you a little more.
15) There's more of your favorite local people out on the streets doing outrageous things for a few bucks. Who doesn't like cheap entertainment?

Anything else I missed?

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April 13, 2011

Foo Fighters Documentary

Wise words from a wise man

As some of you might now, Foo Fighters released their latest album Wasting Light this past Tuesday. Critics are calling it one of their heavier albums to date, relating it to some of their older albums. Revisiting their roots would make sense, as they recorded this album in Dave Grohl's garage. Wasting Light isn't the only new Foo out though... They have also released a documentary about the band, highlighting a lot of the history of the group as well as many other inside sneak peeks. Back And Forth is out now, but if you're reading this all like, "OMG WTF, i did not no dat dey haev a dokumentari!!1," then you probably haven't seen it yet, so check out the trailer in the meantime, and be sure to download Wasting Light! (legally, of course...)

April 11, 2011

Badass Laser Guns!

Sauce: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-13033437

The US is using a real laser gun to set fire to engines of attacking boats. ISN'T THAT SWEET!? Lasers have been something in sci-fi flicks for ages and have become synonymous with the future, and we now have access to that technology. Not only that, we have the capability to do some real damage, as opposed to those tiny laser lights we all played with when we were in 5th grade. I, for one, think it's cool as hell. What do you think? Do you see lasers being the future of weapons? Do you see a more prominent use of lasers in the future?

Pew pew pew!

April 7, 2011

The 8 Hour Album


Ben Folds among many others (Ok Go and Dresden Dolls appearances!?) are sticking it to the man by writing 8 songs in 8 hours, then releasing it soon after. This will be a true test to them as musicians and creative artists, and to the audio engineers running the session. To record a song an hour can be a challenge, but it the session runs smoothly, this can turn out to be something else.

The best thing? YOU CAN WATCH IT ALL LIVE. It all goes down 4/25 from 4p-midnight EST, and will be broadcast live at http://www.rethink-music.com/. You're gonna want to bookmark this, because this is going to be something else. What do you think about this?

April 6, 2011

4:20 Music Break

I recently learned that DayGlow, a huuuuge paint party concert rave thingieso, is coming to my hometown, with artist David Berrie DJ'ing through the night. I decided to check him out, and I like a lot of his shit. If you're into electronic or dance music, check it right here. You can check out more on his website at http:/davidberrie.com, and learn more abut DayGlow at http://dayglowtour.com.

April 5, 2011

When's the last time you saw a kid bitch slap his mom?

Now you can say "TODAY!"

Check it. Tell me what you think. How was his form? What would you do to this kid?

If you're a lame ass and don't wanna watch the buildup, you can skip the first 1:30 I believe.

April 2, 2011

Charlie Sheen: LOSING!

Charlie Sheen started his infamous "Torpedo Of Truth" tour in Detroit earlier this evening, and the reviews are in. In a nutshell: it sucked balls. People booed and even left early! Did you really expect anything more, though? Seriously, this man is all hype. He tried to keep this pissing contest going, and he's all out.

Read the review here, and tell me what you think: http://insidetv.ew.com/2011/04/02/charlie-sheen-tour-review/


April 1, 2011

Danger Mouse and Jack White Collaboration

Wiggity-wiggity-WHAAAAT!? Danger Mouse (Gnarles Barkley) and Jack White (The White Stripes, The Raconteurs, The Dead Weather) have teamed up in a collaboration to bring you a dark, but very nice new track. Danger Mouse teamed up with Italian producer Daniele Luppi to bring a project called Rome due out in May, releasing this track (titled "Two Against One") and another one featuring Norah Jones. Check these out, and look forward to the release of Romehttp://pitchfork.com/news/42082-listen-danger-mouse-and-jack-white-collab/

I personally love this shit. It's something different from what I'm used to listening to, so I welcome a fresh flavor. What do you guys think?

Also, help a brother out and click an advertisement while you're at it, and "thumbs up" this on StumbleUpon. Keep my ass out of trouble by helping me out and having me write these articles, yo.